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  • November 30, 1999

Archives For November 30, 1999

Opening a Novel With Dialogue: Right or Wrong?

April 17, 2018 — Leave a comment

Readers AskQUESTION: What’s the problem with opening a novel with dialogue?

Answer: I prefer not to open with dialogue, but there are writers who do it successfully. Most people are familiar with Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White (you know, the White who coauthored The Elements of Style, Fourth Edition with Strunk). The first line of White’s famous book is etched in my memory:

“Where’s Papa going with that axe?” said Fern.

In the case of Charlotte’s Web, the opening draws the reader into the story, right into the middle of some exciting conflict. However, it’s risky to open with dialogue when the reader has no context for what is taking place. Similarly, it’s chancy to open with a character’s thoughts (interior monologue).

If an opening makes a reader feel disoriented, (s)he might not continue reading. Although some authors get away with opening a novel with dialogue, it’s better to introduce the characters and setting first. If a character speaks before a reader knows anything about the character, the reader may form an image that is different than the author’s. Then, as more details about the character come to light, it could be quite jarring to the reader if he is forced to change his mental image of that character. Some readers even create voices in their heads when they read dialogue. Imagine a reader’s frustration if he has to recreate a character’s voice.

There’s nothing like a real-life example. Suppose for a moment that you’re a single woman at a party. Some guy you’ve never met walks up to you and says, “Let’s get out of here.” That line will certainly get your attention but maybe not in a good way. Now consider the same scenario, except that a friend introduces that guy as the Chief of Neurosurgery at a well-known hospital before he tries to whisk you away. Maybe you still wouldn’t want to leave with him, but you might decide to steer him to the punch bowl. Dialogue means nothing without proper context.

Until next time,

Write something you love! — Joanne

WriteSomethingYouLove.com

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What’s up with THAT?

March 23, 2018 — Leave a comment

THATMany writers wonder when the word that should be used and when it should be omitted. Because the word that can function in so many ways, the answer isn’t simple.  When in doubt, opt for clarity. Here are some of the ways the word that may be used:

  • As an adverb. (Sam didn’t understand how she could be that disagreeable.)
  • As a demonstrative pronoun. (That is our sailboat.)
  • As a complementizer. (I heard that he was a philanderer.) A complementizer is a conjunction which marks a complement clause.
  • As a relative pronoun. (The casserole that she brought was delicious.)

Sometimes in the latter two cases, the word that can be omitted. However, clarity always trumps reducing word count.

Use That With Thinking Verbs

When using “thinking” verbs (believe, consider, decide, imagine, know, realize, recognize, wonder, etc.), the word that is often retained for clarity. Consider the following sentence:

She believed her professor, who was older than her father, was trying to seduce her.

The sentence above is confusing as written, because at first glance, the reader assumes the professor is a good guy. When the reader gets to the end of the sentence, he realizes this isn’t the case. Use this version of the sentence for clarity:

She believed that her professor, who was older than her father, was trying to seduce her.

Use That to Retain Parallelism

It’s important to keep the use of that consistent within a sentence. Consider this sentence:

He insists the allegations are false and that he’s planning on calling his attorney.

In order to retain parallelism, it’s better to write the sentence above like this:

He insists that the allegations are false and that he’s planning on calling his attorney.

Clarity and brevity are both necessary qualities of fine writing; however, clarity is king. Never sacrifice clarity for brevity.  Savvy writers won’t remove that if it makes a sentence flow better, either. Writers must use good judgement.

QUIZ

In each example, determine whether that is needed. (Answers follow.)

  1. Susan said (that) she was sleepy.
  2. The teacher announced (that) her new homework policy would be in place soon.
  3. The store manager announced December 1 (that) the store would be closing.
  4.  She believed (that) her husband, who was always late getting home, was having an affair.
  5.  She insists (that) there is a squirrel in her attic and that she’s calling an exterminator.

 

Answers:

  1. It’s fine to omit that for brevity here.
  2. Keep that here. Without it, the reader might think (momentarily) that the new homework policy has already been put forth.
  3. Keep that here.  Without it, the reader wouldn’t know whether the announcement was made on December 1 or if the store would be closing on December 1.
  4. Keep that here. Readers shouldn’t think for a second that she believed her husband.
  5. Keep that here to keep the sentence parallel.

 

Until next time,

Write something you love! — Joanne

WriteSomethingYouLove.com

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Ponderings

January 3, 2018 — Leave a comment

WWJD

Now that a new year is upon us, it’s time for reflection. I was cleaning out one of my dresser drawers today and found a poem that I’d written many years ago in response to something that happened in a church that I’d attended since early childhood. I’ve moved on, and many of the folks that prompted me to write this poem are probably no longer on this earth. In short, a group of stodgy church members decided that it would be a great idea to remove all children from the church during the worship service and provide free babysitting, all because every now and then, a small child or a baby made a little peep. Of course, most of the time, the parents would address the situation immediately. As a Sunday School teacher/superintendent and the mother of a well-behaved child, I was troubled. I had no problem with parents who wanted to use a church babysitting service doing so; however, I didn’t think all children should be routinely ushered out of the church. Anyway, as Edward Bulwer-Lytton (dark-and-stormy-night guy) wrote in his play Richelieu; Or the Conspiracy:

Beneath the rule of men entirely great
The pen is mightier than the sword.

So, as I often did (and still do), I fought the battle with my pen and wrote a little poem. Since this happened such a long time ago, I feel comfortable sharing it now. I hold no grudges toward anyone with differing views. Feel free to let me know in the comment section if you’ve ever used your pen to fight injustice. Comments are moderated. Be nice. And Happy New Year!

Ponderings

As I sit in this stone-cold pew
And ponder over what to do,
I look around me and I see
A fading Christianity.

Though the Gospel still is heard,
And we teach only the Word,
Our ears are closed to what we teach,
And we don’t practice what we preach.

Begrudgingly we give “our share,”
Offer the sick a hurried prayer,
And we can always find a way
So taxes we don’t have to pay.

Unashamed the laws we break,
Because it’s done for Jesus’ sake.
No matter what we do or say,
He will take our sins away.

We sit in church and fret and pout,
And try to throw the children out,
Because their wiggling and commotion
Might interrupt sincere devotion.

We don’t want them here at all,
But chained behind a soundproof wall.
Then we can pray and we can sing
To our Savior, Lord, and King.

As I sit in this stone-cold pew
Silently mulling what to do,
I see the altar and the cross,
But no more children—what a loss!

I see our church so cold and bare,
With hardly any people there.
For if we drive the young away,
What is left for those who stay—

A quiet church in which to hear
That with Christ we have no fear?
But now that the young have gone away,
What makes us think that Christ will stay?

— Joanne Waldron

Until next time,

Write something you love! — Joanne

WriteSomethingYouLove.com

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After Christmas

December 30, 2017 — Leave a comment

afterchristmas

Although Christmas 2017 is over, I’d like to extend holiday wishes to everyone and share a holiday poem. For those who don’t celebrate Christmas, please accept my best wishes for a peaceful winter season.

After Christmas

The angel song still trembles
In Bethle’em’s holy air;
The little hills lie sleeping,
The bright stars still shine fair.

Gone is the rustle of the wings
Heard in the watch serene;
The Golden Hour of God is past,
His Glory has been seen.

But, oh, the hearts that since have waked
The souls that have found rest
Because small Bethlehem one Day
Took heaven to its breast!

— Consuelo Valencia, 1918—

Until next time,

Write something you love! — Joanne

WriteSomethingYouLove.com

 

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Hold The “On The Nose” Dialogue

March 21, 2017 — Leave a comment

readers-ask

QUESTION: What is “on the nose” dialogue?

ANSWER: When a character says exactly what he thinks or feels, writers refer to this as “on the nose” dialogue. Inexperienced writers tend to use this kind of dialogue exclusively. Skillful writers aim to use dialogue with subtext. Dialogue with subtext reveals a character’s thoughts in more subtle ways.

Most writers are familiar with Vito Corleone’s famous line from The Godfather: “I’m gonna make him an offer he can’t refuse.” Corleone says this line when Johnny Fontane (his godson) laments that a movie director, Mr. Woltz,  won’t give him the lead role in a Hollywood movie. Suppose that instead of the famous “make him an offer he can’t refuse” line, Vito Corleone had said:

Perhaps if Woltz wakes up with the bloody head of his expensive horse next to him, he’ll change his mind!

The example above demonstrates “on the nose” dialogue. The line doesn’t leave anything to the imagination. Few people wouldn’t agree that the original line is better, because it doesn’t specify how the powerful Vito Corleone will deal with Woltz.  The viewer can surmise that Mr. Woltz is in big trouble.

Is it ever reasonable to use “on the nose” dialogue?  In truth, not every line needs to be filled with subtext. Recall this dialogue from the movie Taken that Bryan Mills says  to Marko while preparing him for torture:

You know, we used to outsource this kind of thing. But what we found was the countries we outsourced to had unreliable power grids. Very Third World. You’d turn on a switch – power wouldn’t come on, and then tempers would get short. People would resort to pulling fingernails. Acid drips on bare skin. The whole exercise would become counterproductive. But here, the power’s stable. Here, there’s a nice even flow. Here, you can flip a switch and the power stays on all day.

In the dialogue above, Bryan doesn’t leave anything to the imagination about his experience in using torture to get information, but in this case, the dialogue works beautifully. Imagine if Bryan had said this instead:

I have ways of getting people to tell me what I want to know.

Doesn’t the original dialogue seem more effective at awakening a sense of dread? Writers must develop judgement about when and how to engage viewers/readers by weaving subtext into the dialogue to subtly reveal a character’s emotions (i.e. anger, jealousy, desire). Good writers avoid “on the nose” dialogue to state the obvious.

Until next time,

Write something you love! — Joanne

WriteSomethingYouLove.com

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